Writing a long apology.

 If I had to write a long apology, I'd know exactly who to write it for. and I still wish to this day I did something about it. But again, I was just a kid. Even so, it will never excuse what I did. I will never forgive myself and I will always regret it. There's not one moment I don't ever think about it. I miss them so much. My own selfishness and stupidity led to the loss of the best friend I ever had. I lost that privilege. I wish I wasn't so gullible that day, I wish things didn't end like this. I should've listened. I was warned so many times but I ignored everyone. Not only did I lose the most important person ever, but I also traumatized myself for life. I gave up everything for someone who was a horrible person. I wasted three years. Every time I think about the situation or a certain place or thing reminds me of it, I start breaking down and hate myself for it. I hate the person who hurt me, I hate myself for the stupid decision I made, I hate myself so much. If I just had said no, I wonder how things would be. I wouldn't have ruined myself. I'm crying a bit as I write this. I don't ever want to make this mistake again. This will always be with me. It will always haunt me. I will always think about it. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I could say it a million of times and I wouldn't get tired of it. This world is so cruel. I will never be the same again. How if I could just go back in time. that'd be the first thing I'd do, say no. I can't believe a simple yes or no question defines your future and destroys it within minutes. Maybe that's the day I changed completely. I wish they could see this. I wouldn't expect them to forgive me, but I want them to understand at least. Maybe this sounds corny, I wouldn't know. I just figured this would be a good opportunity to express myself about this. I never got to anyway. .... I'm so sick of myself. I'm sorry, an apology would never be enough.